So you live together, but aren’t dating?

Before I start this post,it’s been a few days since I wrote last. It’s not easy to post from my phone. Once, I have my own computer again (mine died) I’ll be posting more regularly. I will also continue my 30 day blog challenge. 

My ex boyfriend lives with us. It confuses a lot of people. They don’t understand how we can live together and not be in a relationship anymore. But, it’s simple. We have a child together. And even though we did not do good in a romantic relationship we chose to still live together for our daughter. We get along better now that we are not dating then we ever did when we were.

It’s a topic that gets brought up routinely when anyone learns about our living situation. It’s like people cannot wrap their heads around it. I’ve been asked more times than I can even remember if we are still together, just for the simple fact that someone will see us out somewhere together and we’re getting along. Even if we’re doing something as a family like taking our daughter fishing and to the beach.

how-does-it-work

It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved, especially for Ryleigh. She gets to see her mom and her dad everyday. She gets to have both of us 100% of the time. She gets to have just one house. She doesn’t have to go back and forth between two houses. She doesn’t have to get used to two separate routines, two different sets of rules. She knows she is going to go to sleep in the same house every night. Her dad and I don’t have to split our time with her between two different houses. She doesn’t care that her dad and I aren’t in a romantic relationship, that doesn’t matter to her at all. The only thing that matters to her is that she has us both here in the same house whenever she needs us.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know this kind of situation wouldn’t work for everyone. We are in the minority here. But, I’d much rather have it this way. My mom and dad divorced when I was young, I know what it was like having to have two homes. Having to go between two houses and two different ways of living. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to put my daughter through that,if I didn’t have to.

Then the questions about us dating other people gets brought up. Honestly,for me, dating is the last thing on my mind. But my ex was dating someone for a while. He came to me and asked me if I’d have a problem with him seeing someone and I told him I didn’t. I supported him fully and gave him my blessing. I told him if she made him happy and she seemed to do that to not let me get in the way. We weren’t dating and it wasn’t my place to tell him that he couldn’t be with someone. It wasn’t weird at all. There was no jealousy or hurt feelings. I wanted him to be happy. I am not the type that gets jealous when an ex starts dating someone else.

We’re a family. It was something that took my ex a little longer to understand and be completely comfortable with. He was used to the normal mom and dad being in a relationship to live together. Not all families are the same though. No one bats an eye when the family consists of grandparents raising their grandchildren or any of the other types of families. But, when two people that continue to live together and not be in a romantic type of relationship gets brought up, it confuses the hell out of people.

I’ve been told before that there was no way in hell they could handle that.

I’ll agree two people shouldn’t stay together just for their child/children. They shouldn’t continue to try to be in a romantic relationship just for the sake of their child. It won’t work. We didn’t do that, we broke up. He moved out for a while. We continued to be in communication for our daughter. He’d come over and see her, and eventually started to stay the night for a few nights a week to be able to see her even more. Then we talked about it and agreed the best thing for him to do was to move back in so he could see her all the time. So, she could have us both with her all the time.

We fought a lot when we were together, it wasn’t pretty. I don’t know what it was about us being together, but it just didn’t work. We get along now.

I don’t know if this will work forever, I don’t know if some day he will meet someone and want to live with them. Right now though, this works for us. This is the best possible solution for our daughter.

I know, I will still get the questions and the looks from people that have no idea how we make this work.

I also know that if we weren’t living together we probably wouldn’t get along nearly as good as we do. We’d both always feel that we were missing out on watching our daughter grow up, and we would be. This way we both get to see her grow up, we get to see her being silly and see the cute things she does, and not just a picture or video that we might share with each other.

Our family is my mom, my ex Billy, Ryleigh and myself. Is your family different than what others would consider normal?

 

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